a sorta fairytale

2011-12-07T08:53:00.001+01:00

There was no possibility of taking a walk that day.

Jane Eyre

2011-11-28T21:02:00.001+01:00

δεν θάβρεις άλλες θάλασσες

2011-11-17T14:30:00.001+01:00

“The sweet wind from Europe was still whispering in the refreshed leaves, and the Atlantic was thundering in glorious liberty; my heart, dried up and scorched for a long time, swelledto the tone, and filled with living blood—my being longed for renewal—my soul thirsted for a pure draught. I saw hope revive—and felt regeneration possible. From a flowery arch at the bottom of my garden I gazed over the sea—bluer than the sky: the old world was beyond; clear prospects opened thus:—

“‘Go,’ said Hope, (...)

< jane eyre >

2011-11-17T14:05:00.001+01:00

Η πόλις

Είπες· «Θα πάγω σ' άλλη γη, θα πάγω σ' άλλη θάλασσα.
Μια πόλις άλλη θα βρεθεί καλλίτερη απ' αυτή.
Κάθε προσπάθεια μου μια καταδίκη είναι γραφτή·
κ' είν' η καρδιά μου -σαν νεκρός- θαμένη.
Ο νους μου ως πότε μες στον μαρασμόν αυτόν θα μένει.
Οπου το μάτι μου γυρίσω, όπου κι αν δω
ερείπια μαύρα της ζωής μου βλέπω εδώ,
που τόσα χρόνια πέρασα και ρήμαξα και χάλασα.»
Καινούργιους τόπους δεν θα βρεις, δεν θάβρεις άλλες θάλασσες.
Η πόλις θα σε ακολουθεί. Στους δρόμους θα γυρνάς
τους ίδιους. Και στες γειτονιές τες ίδιες θα γερνάς·
και μες στα ίδια σπίτια αυτά θ' ασπρίζεις.
Πάντα στην πόλι αυτή θα φθάνεις. Για τα αλλού -μη ελπίζεις-
δεν έχει πλοίο για σε, δεν έχει οδό.
Ετσι που τη ζωή σου ρήμαξες εδώ
στην κώχη τούτη την μικρή, σ' όλην την γη την χάλασες.

Κωνσταντίνος Π. Καβάφης

2011-11-05T10:13:00.002+01:00

such a long way this crazy ocean and all skies belonging to the above of it, full of darkness, full of clouds and little heavens slower than usual legging behind. i have got no time to eternity in there, considering the many distractions playing on and off on ears and eyes: i want to know everything and enjoy the exact abscence, in all the flushing back and forwards, of time, on your own. sit belted to the shaking of a windy sort of night. sort of things. spots of plenty of life in electricity, what did you teach them all? talking-thing? it is just the hormons, they say ravingly when dealing with their son, quite about to be a teenager, in their sores. the son yells back how unfair and does not understand how come they have been blaming him for something like that, that's only a "me", me and i, we get scared. strange development. feelings transformed into fonts transporting the idea which never traveled this far but the flood, of liquids in my vains irrigating all my body, corrosive downpour from the electronic age. comunicators comunicating past between among and through one another. sweep away very fine. then i turn the tv on to distract myself on quiet nights after long days like these. the languages on the telly playing differently from the others i heard and danced a way, sometimes even quietly to the reflection on those mirrors at the shop which i keep on calling a sort of another new me reivented through a period of time, short long hours vanished under the unusual heat of a certain summer, late august, in about three weeks when sailor was gone, finally. sketchbooks acquired to empty out frenzied thoughts pouring out shapes of inventiveness occasionating vision. An image put on canvas. Not only me but the whole world, dear darling, has been wondering what will be, by your return, and every resulted event and everything else from then on.

2011-11-05T10:08:00.001+01:00

xerox in an afterglow.

2011-11-05T10:03:00.001+01:00

all these love letters, my weather outside, my katharina and an i, heaven and autumn turning into winter and dark, pinhole days i read somewhere, endlessly, guitars and bars, this conversation with someone who knows me before i even said hi, coffee talks, my toys my little treasures filling up my life with memories, memories changed, remodeled, hatred and anger ignored coming in waves to blur my mind. it is early morning and i have been awake for awhile, i proposed let's conversate and give it a try but now i, emptied, haven't got much to discuss. therapy in foreign language isn't clearing much my doubts. my looking-mirror and this few square meters room locking up all these love letters i write, my weather inside, my godess with her godess and heaven and autumn turning into summer and parks, pinhole ways i copied from somewhere, endlessly, chords and choirs, my voice in this conversation with someone who believes to know me before i drank up and finished to wave goodbye.

2011-10-29T19:25:00.000+02:00

what i am supposed to wear? i wonder instead of answering when asked on the verge of this one day, a recollection of these 27 years upon the beginning of a certain cosmic return, 28, they say you are allowed to wear something really crazy, saturn, but i feel the distinguished tendency to hide behind something more discret, descent, the whole sum gathered represented by an amount of tiny parts - an all in all - which they call: me. i thought i might want it really special, like every year, and evaluate quietly the rarity of this one. perhaps right now it will occur, when i forcedly, without my favourite distractions, must stand up and suffer finally into this wicked confrontation. my head all nerves messaging in false alarm attention-panic through the boredom of normal fairly good kind of life. what is wrong, mr. universe, all boys and girls who built up the city so nicely, why did they forget to leave room for me to watch all your never ending bright stars? your clouds come so near i can never see, when turbulently looking out for maybe a spaceship, the high heights all covered up, thick air assorted into layers, i mean to restructure, systematic atmosphere, retreating projects, small talks and unfortunate attempts of boys trying to get me out on one of these and those for a beer.

2011-10-29T19:20:00.001+02:00

i do love to dance away, sweat away, away sway need away all in me, breathless breathlessly on and on in motion, trance away in ways out ways way: array. hey. boy away. i danced a way so sexy to win my attention, to electrify my impulse, to incite my own magic and pollute my own vision and distract my mind, to put it off of any other good-looking native swinging right in front, of me, my love. need away.

2011-10-16T22:20:00.002+02:00

Light painting by Ana Paula F. :)

2011-10-16T01:13:00.000+02:00

light painting :)

2011-10-15T00:12:00.001+02:00

2011-10-13T13:31:00.000+02:00

octobered vanilla skies lingering high up there for a whole ending afternoon. what a miracle of a day afterglowing still from my saturday night reverie: daydream me into the fairness of our eternal youth, bits and pieces of sixteen, seventeen and all the hurry assaulting my heart under now known needless pressure. the sky was pink when i, strolling with the children, turned my eyes to see whether red or green lights, came upon an immensity of clouds seriously playing buttermilk in tones of pastel at an everlasting level all around. my thoughts electrified sent down to my lips an adequate smile disoriented by the rapidness of time contrasting excessively against the stillness of that cosmic canvas fully suspended wallpapering, above my head, the whole background: as if a sort of universe god had handed me out a magic life-long-gift, my body under my coat, my head spinning dizzy so much dye... my children ignoring the scene, my heart sunk in an autumn bloom: october raining softly to hit hard yellow leaves: the sky was pink the other moment when i was out showering under dawn casually forgetting, our love, an electronic rave, absorbed into familiar pieces, lengthening the vowel, of stony wishes and tender nitey-nites.

2011-10-13T13:12:00.000+02:00

for a long time now it hasn't happened, that i found someone else's words translating me. it is very true that the whole thing about me has already been written many many times before just like the whole thing about you.. but i have been away and down and off so many roads...anyway here it comes:

...

My Father, a wise and grave Man, gave me serious and excellent Counsel against what he foresaw was my Design. He call’d me one Morning into his Chamber, where he was confined by the Gout, and expostulated very warmly with me upon this Subject: He ask’d me what Reasons more than a meer wandring Inclination I had for leaving my Father’s House and my native Country, where I might be well introduced, and had a Prospect of raising my Fortunes by Application and Industry, with a Life of Ease and Pleasure. He told me it was for Men of desperate Fortunes on one Hand, or of aspiring, superior Fortunes on the other, who went abroad upon Adventures, to rise by Enterprize, and make themselves famous in Undertakings of a Nature out of the common Road;|<3> that these things were all either too far above me, or too far below me; that mine was the middle State, or what might be called the upper Station of Low Life, which he had found by long Experience was the best State in the World, the most suited to human Happiness, not exposed to the Miseries and Hardships, the Labour and Sufferings, of the mechanic* Part of Mankind, and not embarrass’d with the Pride, Luxury, Ambition, and Envy of the upper Part of Mankind. He told me, I might judge of the Happiness of this State, by this one thing, viz. That this was the State of Life which all other people envied, that Kings have frequently lamented the miserable Consequences of being born to great things, and wish’d they had been placed in the Middle of the two Extremes, between the Mean and the Great; that the wise Man gave his Testimony to this as the just Standard of true Felicity, when he prayed to have neither Poverty or Riches.

Robinson Crusoe - Daniel Defoe

2011-10-10T21:39:00.001+02:00

everybody knew already how wintery it would turn the other day. except for those who never know and never bother, and go with the flow suffering along all consequences. last heavy summer day burning off at the beginning an october. under the heat, between, icy air, it all happened correctly with a natural fairness long lost. until wednesday all the beauty grasping tiredly sun rays behind glasses and short sleeves midnight into a summer dream awaken by the rain suddenly pouring cooling down all past making bed for a winter to come: thursday at work. skin all hidden behind my dresses. boys will stick to the boys while girls i have never figured out. the whole confrontation with myself bursting carefully while i prepare something unknown for the lonesomeness which i once read is plenitude. then i ponder whatever sort of plenty this word could mean coming to the thought "all shall be well" for the abundance might as well be addressed as sufficient, full, complete. everybody looked funny inside their outfits and their faces expressing between falling leaves increased the busyness of the city around me, standing at the doorway of the shop, outside for tick-tocks, breathing in fresh breeze safely, i go in for another round. i try and handle the telephone and sell bits and pieces to satisfy the customer. then i swallowed down all my love and went out dancing with queens and saviors under red lights of a palace where i hallucinated at the vision of a tiger with long blond hair and face and hands of a pretty girl. everybody knew from then on it would all get somehow seemingly eternally cold, all these little flying souls rendered to hard jackets. i close my eyes and feel. xerox in an afterglow.

2011-10-10T21:32:00.000+02:00

Ἔστιν ὁ φἰλος ἕτερος ὲγὠ.

in all this change, i say,

φιλíα ;)

2011-10-10T21:27:00.002+02:00

if it's not love then it's the bomb that will bring us together

2011-10-01T23:03:00.001+02:00

2011-09-25T19:23:00.002+02:00

the lost art of keeping a secret. fucking hell.

2011-09-25T17:19:00.001+02:00

To London and Back on Business :)

2011-09-18T23:40:00.001+02:00

2011-09-11T22:43:00.002+02:00

wats so amazing about really big thoughts??:))

2011-08-28T05:51:00.005+02:00

without an end and bad edited because good things in life come brainstorming like a virginia by my side in vienna and then in berlin where our teenagerhood dreams came true i a very clumsy but perfect way! :) this one goes out to my baby girl virginia to stay forever as a memory of our days in spring and our crazy trip to berlin by bus.. :) featuring katharina, my other baby love.

2011-08-28T01:11:00.000+02:00

2011-08-26T03:58:00.001+02:00

steiermark tattoo convention show :) another sunday of sunny sides and the beautiful people

2011-08-25T20:33:00.001+02:00

ma summer hits 2011 :) beautiful sounds to dance under the heat of this year's particularly hot...

Love is not like they say
I lied, it’s hard to make it stay
Ill drown my feelings in the sea
And dry them up over on the beach… :)

2011-08-20T13:16:00.003+02:00

the summer i got married at the churchstreet :) or the summer i went to london on business or the sms era.

thats maybe the tittle of ma new book looong not to be published yed:)

2011-08-15T11:30:00.003+02:00

im back im back im baack :)))

2011-08-15T11:30:00.001+02:00

:)) for beautiful sundays with my girls..:)

2011-08-13T13:50:00.002+02:00

;) xxxx

2011-08-09T18:05:00.002+02:00

eu quero esses sapatos AGORA..:(

2011-08-04T21:03:00.001+02:00

Main Entry:	yarn
Part of Speech:	noun
Definition:	story, often long and made-up

Main Entry:	unravel
Part of Speech:	verb
Definition:	untangle
	While you are away My heart comes undone Slowly unravels In a ball of yarn The devil collects it With a grin Our love In a ball of yarn He'll never return it So when you come back We'll have to make new love He'll never return it When you come back We'll have to make new love

thank u björk

2011-08-04T20:37:00.002+02:00

o wow....

2011-08-04T20:24:00.000+02:00

england, an island, my dreams, of doing something over there, going thin, into a big aeroplane into another island, japan, of i-never-thought, sending me to the middle of the mountains, stuck with invalid fears, mar-e-montanha, ... what if i take my problems to the united nations? what if i take my problems to you, mother-nature? caught up into dresses of high expense, the pj harveys and the cures..

2011-08-04T19:51:00.001+02:00

to come home from work, exhausted, i love to sit on my chair, to the smoke, there is always people at home, they are men, to me they don't belong, football on television at the living room, a place apart, my room, an amount of a completely different atmosphere, the backyard downstairs to which i can look down from above, my high windows, all sounds coming in with this acoustic, sounds i cannot tell, televisions, babies, steps up and down, winds passing, ghost stories, voices talking, claps and taps and booms, doors, people coming closer or leaving, holy love love gone wrong during my evenings.

2011-07-30T20:45:00.000+02:00

http://youtu.be/w1evzhSast8 and

"Back To Black"

He left no time to regret
Kept his dick wet
With his same old safe bet
Me and my head high
And my tears dry
Get on without my guy
You went back to what you knew
So far removed from all that we went through
And I tread a troubled track
My odds are stacked
I'll go back to black

We only said goodbye with words
I died a hundred times
You go back to her
And I go back to.....

I go back to us

I love you much
It's not enough
You love blow and I love puff
And life is like a pipe
And I'm a tiny penny rolling up the walls inside

We only said goodbye with words
I died a hundred times
You go back to her
And I go back to

We only said goodbye with words
I died a hundred times
You go back to her
And I go back to

Black, black, black, black, black, black, black,
I go back to
I go back to

We only said good-bye with words
I died a hundred times
You go back to her
And I go back to

We only said good-bye with words
I died a hundred times
You go back to her
And I go back to black

2011-07-30T20:25:00.001+02:00

why feeling so sad? embracing such a loneliness, why so lonely after all? what is it missing so darkly girl in blue? then all what u dont need to be is: on your own. it does take a while to realise who you actually are. then you build yourself up with your stolen ideas from near or far around, you model your self inside a few styles through all years untill.. (to be continued imlazy)

2011-07-17T04:14:00.000+02:00

i try and find an explanation at your horoscope qualities. and tried tonite hard to dance to my new dances without having you swinging on my side, and you figure failured when i saw these men around had long hair but weren't as charming as your slides. i think of your special datum and the minutes i counted before i send off a smile, dark prince, with certain poetry, i thought i had left you in awe for awhile. what is this jealousy coming about? hormones of power luring their way through your mind? Seine Stimmungsschwankungen sind zwar manchmal nicht nachvollziehbar, aber Sie gehören zu ihm wie Ebbe und Flut zum Meer.

Of sea and water, tides and whatever the other word means, understanding your moods is something out of reach, afar. it belongs to you, to hide and love. No meaningful talk of philosophy, my sailor, your question resolves itself when i take hold of your car. i grow wiser, electronic.er, weird... while you drink your soul up at the bar. i wave goodnight out of my loneliness which i have been sharing for some time with a foreigner out of space growing stronger when i eat falling weaker at my crimes. i leave in silence of beats in all sorts...see you soon another time.

2011-07-05T22:44:00.000+02:00

Just like a buzzin' fly I come into your life. Now I float away.
Like honey in the sun. Was it right or wrong?
I couldn't sing that song anyway.

Oh, but darlin'
Now I remember
How the sun shown down
And how it warmed your prayin' smile
When all the love was there

You're the one I talk about
You're the one I think about
Everywhere I go
And sometimes honey
In the mornin'
Lord, I miss you so

That's how I know I found a home

Oh, hear the mountains singing
Lord, I can hear them ringing, darlin',
Out your name
And tell me if you know just how the river flows down to the sea

Now I wanna know
Everything about you

What makes ya smile?
What makes ya wild?
What makes ya love me this way?
Darlin' I wanna know

A-walkin' hand in hand and all along the sand a seabird knew your name
He knew your love was growin', Lord, I think it knows it's flowin' thru you and me

Ah, tell me darlin'
When I should leave you,
Ah, tell me darlin'
I don't want to grieve you....

2011-07-05T22:26:00.001+02:00

I never asked to be your mountain I never asked to fly. Remember when you came to me and told me of his lies? You didn't understand, my love, you don't know why I try. And the rain was falling on that day and damn the reason why. The Flying Pisces sails for time and tells me of my child wrapped in bitter tales and heartache. He begs for just a smile. He never asked to be her mountain. He never asked to fly and through his eye he comes his love and tells her not to cry. She says, 'Your scoundrel father flies with a dancer called a queen and with her stolen cards he plays and laughs, but never wins'. The child dreams to be his hands in the counting of the rain but only barren breasts he feels for her milk will never drain. As I die I can't remember where I saw the rain: Could it be that her laughter drove me down again? Charming dancer will you stop, stop and talk to me? Is there someone else you feel in your dreams? you will, you see: In midnight gazes i've found you far from me: If you lead me on please leave me down. O Flying Flying Fish, please flutter by my door: Yes you can drink my lies if first you read my eyes: Each one is titled 'I'm drowning back to you': I can't swim your waters and you can't walk my lands: I'm sailing all my sins and I'm climbing all my fears and soon now I'll fly. I never asked to be your mountain I never asked to fly. Remember when you came to me and told me of his lies? You didn't understand my love, you don't know why I try. And the rain was falling on that day and that's the reason why. Sweet lover, will you come back and love me for a while? Please take my hand, leave all your fears behind! I've been gone too long now I'm home to stay. Please don't leave me again this way.

tim buckley

2011-07-05T22:15:00.001+02:00

erstes entwicklungsland

zweites entwicklungsland

drittes entwicklungsland

parallele entwicklungsländer

2011-07-04T21:11:00.002+02:00

I think she’s probably quietly disconnecting. It doesn’t feel right to her to be close to you if there’s a hole of some kind somewhere else.

2011-07-03T17:07:00.002+02:00

this i wrote 10 years ago

2011-07-03T17:06:00.000+02:00

when i knew time would pass by flying like a flying horse devastating any good memories and vanishing feelings into the past drawers of never again. when the future was a long time ahead and still a present perfect in different acts...when i developed into what i am and played with possibilities of infinity and chance. to love longgone and reports of future sufferings in plenty of delights.

2011-07-03T16:49:00.004+02:00

you give me heaven you give me hell. what sort of love comes from your ego? pouring sunday outside on my windows telling me by my half-lights there is a safety on being on one's own indulging some kind of peace from which our hearts would like to suffer.

2011-07-01T23:01:00.004+02:00

Baker Baker can you explain
If truly his heart
Was made of icing?
And I wonder
How mine could taste
Maybe we could change his mind?

im not sad..enough - a longtimeago - with all the infinit sadness. im accompanying my own body in its (in)satisfaction piece of development. one day thinner one day a bit more of normal till the other day's extra bit of weight. an my mirror showing me tired eyes of little girls fake hair of luck for colours and curls maybe fringe. pony tails. my mirror-ing yells hey baby it is getting pretty late even now at the beginning of this morning; you are different looking now than yesterdays and tomorrows, where you never know. i scare myself a little boo, look at some unchangeable matters: tattoos. also this shall fold and fade, skin bright enlightened getting dark: amounts of sunlight after my twenties increasingly impregnating fasting-forwards. and the boy(s) i constantly tried to impress in ornaments for a temple and this temple an origin of love, they took me first by the hand in a hazy little push which i mostly only noticed after our bodies, sharing high temperatures, overheated by the intensity of an equivalent full touch, discharged the memory of a coming together...you never know by the end when was it the whole grabbing and belonging and possessing actually started. i offer my lips. i offer my legs and belly and back and i think what is it that you think about so much hair? and my closed eyes deliver my brain images of a nothing so not to explode any nerve in such a busy organ dying for so much pleasure. givenpleasure. sugar pleasure. ecstasy. the universe is a mass of energy floating in energy while we surrounded by a sea of light sink and rush like fireball stars through yellows and purples with shades our real eyes could never picture. i earn money i save money i give this money away and have a nice piece of black fabric to hide the curves and highlight plus of my own canvas body. inside when i feel good i invent whoever today i feel myself like being. somedays i am bad. somedays excellently ugly. then someone mentions i am pretty and my mirror and my self and my music and my thoughts...

we are running in circles and running wild. following the earth's program following its turn. taxi ride. extra dosis of the pill. getting baby losing baby getting none. big behind. great inside. hands. nails, red. hair black blue, inside another blue, feet sweet feet. foot and toe on you. knee. heart. heart. beating. heart. hair.

strength, strong.

all verbs gone. into another million mysteries spread around billions of coloured lights in a single nighty night.

2011-07-01T22:13:00.000+02:00

im down to your last cigarette and this "we are one crap"........
blackheartedlove.

Drop box

2011-06-26T10:59:00.002+02:00

Good morning, paradise.

2011-06-24T00:52:00.001+02:00

a sorta nightmare.

2011-06-24T00:03:00.000+02:00

why winds, blowing this direction, why do you have to bother and bring me new, a spring, in this rainy daily summer? i don't wish to go forth helping evolution. not yet. i wish my quietness in some loneliness without any new girl or any new boy. and the old man, in case he decides to come, i wanna be in my home, completely on my own. without an extra portion of person inside, or outside by then, of me. i want to be with my hair, my clothes, my mess, and a number of other things, which are just things, and don't talk don't cry nor feel dont need dont want...

Drop Box

2011-06-23T15:20:00.002+02:00

threw my bad fortune off the top of a tall building. i`d ratherdoneitwith you!

why is everybody so freaking sick in their heads?

2011-06-20T20:44:00.000+02:00

ein voller tag sehr sehr gut überstanden :) cool erica :)

2011-06-14T22:44:00.000+02:00

summertime and the living is easy.
no more shame for one's own body. :)
so you say i lookhappy and putonsomeweight. and i say i started to sunrise from the inside and the moon is already looking freaky-to-night, cannot wait until tomorrow, in its bigproportiontime. im all im all im all her.

sleepwell,yougoodnite!

2011-06-11T22:50:00.004+02:00

i was so ok, my heart, inside my dress, between my boots. i danced a way so sexy to win your attention, to electrify your impulse, to incite your magic and pollute your vision and distract your mind, to put it off of any other good-looking native swinging right in front, of you, my love. then all the other boys caught in my blur tried and took me by the hand as you, just passing by, rushed in your adverbs: today, tomorrow, later on... for(an)ever, die ewigkeit. my hot-pants-so-short recklessly moving on my hips, my hips irrationally moving on my body. liquid enterprisingly streaming through my veins assaulting offensively my brain, inebriated by then, profuse and delightful, attending to your wicked lush. my crazy disaster. heavenly words, substantial on the floor, i pattern my new models and lose myself to the whole thinking about your shifts around my sway. how could you resist, my star, outside my shirt, leftovers, ourselves full of yours so full of mines. in other worlds were you, so fine in your blacks, standing in a casual corner of this risky shop, trader of illusions, having your whole maintained at your end, the ones you bought for snow in winter, leather converse, which in suiting your feet agree so well with your discerning style, my beating temperament. through the long way between us a disturbed little ecstasy blowing clouds to fuss a scene and perturb the favourable mode we currently are. then i inventively pull my tricks avant-garde out of my blues and intervene any aggravating moment on the edge of its occurs. my exhaustion screaming i was so ok, my heart, inside my dress, my absorption repeating, between my boots, my frail memory recalling i danced a way so sexy to impulse your attention, to win your vision, to electrify your magic and incite your mind, swinging any other front, native looking, off of your eyes i am still polluting, my love. it is indeed a perfect messy saturday late at nine tendency. rescue-call in this circus of souls furiously increasingly going mad in what-is-it-we-just-tried-to-say epidemic rash.

2011-06-11T19:24:00.001+02:00

Qui dit Amour dit les gosses, dit toujours et dit divorce.
Alors on sort pour oublier tous les problèmes.

2011-06-10T12:44:00.002+02:00

Manu e Thalita :) minhas sobrinhas!! :) :) :) lindas!

2011-06-06T09:12:00.001+02:00

Dearest, the shadows i live with are numberless.

2011-06-04T23:09:00.000+02:00

¿que hora son la vida entera?

2011-06-04T18:04:00.001+02:00

ein biiisi weniger rausch

2011-06-02T14:12:00.002+02:00

music-is.a.big.prayer.

2011-06-02T11:15:00.001+02:00

dieterrasse.at

2011-06-02T11:12:00.002+02:00

stuck in the middle with you between winter and summer. foto: felix eder :)

2011-06-01T21:35:00.000+02:00

babygirl-maybe-growing-in-my-belly, unwind. underdevelop in case you have been developing. i don't think you would be all right for the timing is at the moment extremely bad and no world could you find in want of a comfort. so bleed yourself away and empty out of our lives. that mommy is still dancing to loud music and shooting herself in high heights. babygirl under developing cut off now as long as you still can any bounds to any existing and bleed yourself distressed a way out of our times.

2011-06-01T12:47:00.000+02:00

sailor sailing no longer, you are again on my board on my ship on my shore inside my body anchoring your vessel within, again, inside my tormented soul. with your love once so deep, now so hurt and shallow, anchoring in aid, for the other girl couldn't be that amazingly strong to catch your falling star, starship of lost, i have been running dry, your kiss strangely full of sugar, pie, the winds blowing strange upon empty streets of monday busy records now i will push all these weeks into 40 minutes a conversation in want of a mixed tune portrayed in polaroids of on and offs through this ride. one, two, three of one being always a little too much, gathering up, coffeine: usually, my love, when i go off on a lift there is no return, i take off and i go. he said, this time, there was something odd and my lift was of no use, for when i left i felt no. okay, sailor aboard, tell me now of your adventures asea: but there was none, sweetheart, i went to be in a confuse, i came back, i am all yours. so give me time to think. to picture us in a one-room-film between my drawings and your moaning and my looks and your stories. (...)

2011-06-01T12:17:00.002+02:00

Dois
Se você quer amar
Não basta um só amor
Não sei como explicar
Um só sempre é demais
Pra seres como nós
Sujeitos a jogar
As fichas todas de uma vez
Sem temer naufragar :)

2011-05-28T22:14:00.000+02:00

important notice:

on the night of 15.june (this is a wednesday) at about 20.15 h (the time i was born, only in october) (vienna time) it will be possible to watch, in case there may be clear skies, the milky-way on floating heavens, for the moon, hiding behind the earth, will be all darkened in a total eclipse-spectacle.

:) i can hardly wait.

2011-05-28T22:04:00.000+02:00

Hoje o valentino falou: tia erica tá limpando a perninha dela porque está sujona!
e depois: horrores! :)))

o portugues do valentino manolo éh extremamente original!.

2011-05-27T21:15:00.002+02:00

2011-05-27T21:03:00.002+02:00

im inlove withthisman and i believehim to bemy (whatsomewouldcall) mysoulmate:

2011-05-27T20:33:00.000+02:00

imustbemad!

2011-05-24T15:25:00.000+02:00

Te esperei na lua crescer

Ví cadeira boa sentei

Espirrei na tua gripei

Por ficar ao léo resfriei

Você me agradou me acertou

Me miseravou, me aqueceu

Me rasgou a roupa e valeu

E jurou conversas de deus

Quem sabe a labuta quitar

Sabe o trabalho que dá

Batalhar o pão e trazer

Para a casa o sobreviver

Encontrei na rua a questão

Cem por cento a falta de chão

Vou rezar prá nunca perder

Essa estrutura que é você

2011-05-24T15:24:00.000+02:00

(...)

And what will you do with your towers and your hall,
Edward, Edward?
And what will you do with your towers and your hall,
That were so fair to see, O?
I'll let them stand till they down fall,
For here never more may I be, O.

(...)

Thomas Percy

2011-05-24T15:20:00.000+02:00

From the wood-skirted waters of Lego, ascend, at times, grey-bosomed mists, when the gates of the west are closed on the sun's eagle eye. Wide, over Lara's stream, is poured the vapour dark and deep: the moon, like a dim shield, is swimming thro' its folds. With this, clothe the spirits of old their sudden gestures in the wind, when they stride, from blast to blast, along the dusky face of the night. Often, blended with the gale, to some warrior's grave, they roll the mist, a grey dwelling to his ghost, until the songs arise.

Macpherson James: The Poems of Ossian and related works.

2011-05-23T22:46:00.002+02:00

eu convido a partir de agora meus amigos poetas a escreverem poesia comigo. : ) vamos? voce comeca eu continuo. ;) um, dois, tres e.. já!

2011-05-23T10:48:00.000+02:00

what's in a sunnysunday :)

Some may come and some may stay
Watching out for a sunny day where there's
Love and darkness and my sidearm
(...)
I pick up my friends and we hope we won't die
Ride at night, ride through heaven and hell
Come back and feel so well.

2011-05-22T23:56:00.000+02:00

Lord, i want to be up in my heart.

2011-05-22T13:15:00.001+02:00

sailor sailing your vessel is now quite a bit too far. i can barely see it anymore. you are slipping out of my sight. we are turning into something very small, the horizon is as far as i can reach. if you drift a little longer i will stay behind in my own shore with electronic beats waving piano while you, asea, antonyms, sailor sailing, i have been unsealing what once, so firmly closed, wouldn't bring us apart. i am affected by depths and then, affected by tides, the summer sun is setting high enlightening brutal skies of heavens as we go loose violently unprotected from current weather conditions, like a storm, your short rope, disrupted by a thunder, my dry skin running wet, summer blues, while my feet in sinking sand taste salt gather strength for a tiny lift. what is it that i see, just now? at the moving of my left and the lifting of my right. a broken ship in despair with its mariner afflicted vexing towards the beach. but sailor sailing i thought you needed away, were the seas too scary with its waters so deep? but sailor sailing towards my direction i left you offshore just a minute ago! you ran so fast and were suddenly so vast, a black spot on navy blue under the heat of a cloudy afterlight. maybe the thing you didn't see, for you, remote, missed important details one cannot picture from this afar, was the moment your anchoring failed and the blowing wind pushing you into some other seas imperiously uncovered many glittering stars above my head, above your ship, showering a powdery dust, which in healing touched my lips unchaining inescapably a finally released that you very well know from ear-to-ear sort of smile.

...

2011-05-20T22:02:00.000+02:00

Babe, ooh dream about me. Lie, on the phone to me. Tell me no truth, if it is bad. There's enough in my life

To make me so sad, Just dream about- Colour fills our lives. Just dream about- Someone else tonigt. Babe, ooh dream about me. On the phone, talking quietly. I wanna be yours I want you to be mine. Against red skies,for long time. So dream about, us. When we're old. and... and...And babe, ooh dream about me. Lie, on the phone to me. Tell me no truth, if it is bad. There's enough in my life. To make me so sad. Just dream about- Colour fills our lives. Just dream about- Someone else tonight. Just dream about- Colour fills our song. Just dream about - How I will let go...

2011-05-20T18:44:00.001+02:00

sunny afternoon mothering on my own a foreign baby sweetheart

2011-05-20T12:23:00.000+02:00

when i lay down alone on this bed of my own and feel shortly how strange it is that he isn't lying next to me my thoughts of growing adult, between coffee sips, it is ok, i say, it is just the thing i am not used to, this bed of my own containing only half of us, an entire half of me. be positive, a mother says, engage on a hippie-train-of-thoughts and embrace yourself with convincing words of an easy-sort-of-life. like in a i love you...then rebecca and i, little baby, spending an afternoon of sun through the sands of a small playground when she smiles that bright shiny looks and crawls all the way towards this weird thin person forgotten in tattoes i say come here..and she comes and she crawls and he crawls back for he cannot resist when i insist.. it is good to have her in my arms and play i mother this little girl.. but i am so dark, little girl, what is it you have been smiling at? my heart, sweetdaughter, it is good when i can send you back, to your real mom, to your real home, and this make-believe is gone in relieve..it is good not to have to spent my star-nights minding your sleep. when i lay down alone on this bed of my own and feel shortly the morning has already come along with my pretty boy, that hurt. i prepare his breakfast but im not really in the mood, dont come meet me and please dont come ever again, let me go of this, let me stay within on this midday, friday, you do not need anyone. hush. words in german. what is german. what is vienna, this city of dreams forever nightmar-ing me, guarana-cola, colapse. o, the sun, o, the music, all these solitudes: mary-go-round. let's be friends, learn not to have, me, but to sing my songs and dance when time comes. i am not the one for you, so you have to let me loose, so you have to let me lose, alone with my little girls, on my own in this bed of us, at the floor at your love, underneath at your weight, above, thrilling your moods, enlightening your swings in a shiver full sweat, i desire you no more, so you are free to go, free to move towards another crawling woman, another twenty-one, another tiny opening delighted at your come.

2011-05-18T13:06:00.001+02:00

perhaps it is only the frightening idea threatening we are all but expiring in slow motion. what way i rode mechanically to push me into a day, by the end of this lecture, with my own legs, which now strangely weak, i say to myself in the middle of some thoughts, and curves, i need my strength back, the same i had on my way here, what is it that i lost just now? maybe the whole conversation about theatre and playing that i completely overheard got inside my ab scented-mind occupied with a postponed book i wrote to him last year in order to tenderly say good-bye. when i say goodbye i go, still i hesitated, only yesterday, before the word was sent. it is brutal to remain with one's own feelings without the fuzzy-torn-apart of a delusion. false belief, all the talk about mimesis, appealing word and concept which i tend to like so much, coming now out of the head of some professor in german, strolling through my body like and old enthusiasm: i am long gone. is it warm or cold? i ask sometimes even in silence for the weather nowadays is a riddle i am used to solve. so i wear my jacket despite the shining sun. the rests of flower-dust floating around tell me spring has been there and it is slowly, but surely, melting into summer: that threatening of a summer-to-come. diderot, he said, or maybe some other man - for i did not pay attention to who wrote the text; ∞ divided men into three: man of nature, man of poetry and man of theatre; being the man of nature smaller than that of poetry and this of poetry bigger than that of the nature but of course smaller than that of theater. i quickly pictured three men, two of wich i turned into women for my gendering should be of absolutely no importance. the man of nature was of course my wild lover, who waved goodbye but never really leaves. the man of poetry, i said, he is me with my hairy mess and big thoughts of universe. the man of theater, i supposed, were those two girls, one blond one mother, who always smiled at the next tragedy saying "play along and go to sleep in foreign beds and taste the sweet of any reasonable stranger who might flavour you". so i cycle all the way to my fourteen square-meters venturing on roads before never taken. by sunlight, i wonder, there is no fear in entering uncharted places. but also in the night, i think carefully, when the moon looks freaky and presents me a horror sky, there i find a certain peace, tiny earth, for the scary monsters went all somewhere else to hide. what do i seek? a moment in october to full-fill my restless years, a moment of christianity to share one or two presents, a moment of pleasure to release, perhaps, lust? i emptied my room as empty as it could go and dreamt of his japanese writing-me and of all these little signs i see before my eyes sent to unconsciousness when i begin to end into my sleep.

2011-05-17T15:31:00.001+02:00

come clean, there is no sun yet. the only lights here are made.

2011-05-16T11:40:00.000+02:00

Strange development + Miss you (trentemoller)

Strange development + Miss you by mydaysaway

2011-05-16T10:20:00.002+02:00

there is the prettiest woman hanging on my wall and all shes wearing is g star, she is curiously called elettra and from now on ill call her my wife.

2011-05-15T21:53:00.001+02:00

i support television.

2011-05-15T13:41:00.002+02:00

there are these moments when i get deeply sad. but they dont last long. i might say i am healed.

bang!bang! my baby shot me down.

estranged

2011-05-15T12:49:00.001+02:00

Old at heart but I'm only 28 and I'm much too young to let love break my heart
Young at heart but it's getting much too late to find ourselves so far apart

I don't know how you're s'posed to find me lately and what more could you ask from me?

Young at heart an it gets so hard to wait when no one I know can seem to help me now.Old at heart but I musn't hesitate if I'm to find my own way out.

Still talkin' to myself...

When I find out all the reasons maybe I'll find another way: Find another day. With all the changing seasons of my life maybe I'll get it right next time and now that you've been broken down got your head out of the clouds you're back down on the ground:

And you don't talk so loud
An you don't walk so proud
Any more, and what for

Well I jumped into the river too many times to make it home. I'm out here on my own, an drifting all alone. If it doesn't show give it time to read between the lines 'cause I see the storm getting closer and the waves they get so high.. seems everything we've ever known's here:
Why must it drift away and die?

I'll never find anyone to replace you.. guess I'll have to make it thru, this time- Oh this time
Without you: I knew the storm was getting closer and all my friends said I was high but everything we've ever known's here: I never wanted it to die.

2011-05-15T12:17:00.000+02:00

Is this the real life? is this just fantasy? caught in a landslide no escape from reality.open your eyes look up to the skies and see : I'm just a poor boy I need no sympathy, because I'm easy come easy go little high little low anyway the wind blows doesn't really matter to me to me...

Mama, just killed a man put a gun against his head pulled my trigger now he's dead mama, life had just begun but now I've gone and thrown it all away mama, ooh didn't mean to make you cry if I'm not back again this time tomorrow carry on carry on as if nothing really matters too late my time has come sends shivers down my spine body's aching all the time goodbye everybody I've got to go gotta leave you all behind and face the truth:

mama, ooh I don't wanna die! I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all:

I see a little silhouette of a man
scaramouche scaramouche will you do the fandango
thunderbolt and lightning very very frightning me
(Galileo) Galileo (Galileo) Galileo Galileo figaro magnifico

I'm just a poor boy nobody loves me! he's just a poor boy from a poor family sparing his life from this monstrosity!

Easy come easy go will you let me go
bismillah no we will not let you go (let him go)
bismillah we will not let you go (let him go)
bismillah we will not let you go (let me go)
we will not let you go (let me go) will not let you go
no no no no no no no
oh mamma mia mamma mia (mamma mia let me go)
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me for me for me

So you think you can stone me and spit my eyes!! so you think you can love me and leave me to die??!
oh baby, can't do this to me, baby!

just gotta get out just gotta get right out of here

Nothing really matters anyone can see nothing really matters ..nothing really matters to me… anyway the wind blows

2011-05-15T11:54:00.004+02:00

i tend to call them all mine. all mine. when time comes i am blessed with the chance of listening, long and slowly listening, to a falling rain lazily falling down but never too hard. the poet, black poet who said hello and invited me for a meal, wrote me from far away "you know you are not being truthful to yourself but god bless you" left and never came back. who are the angels and why do they come? "dont't worry", i comfort myself, self-talking to self-selves, letting loose, letting go of it in my little room, which in being small carries something sweet to my dreams, dreams i cannot recall, every night. i think it is that girl, all tattoed and unhappy but moving on, with her phases, with her moons and her haze. my black book of schedules plus dear diary on my online reports of photos and songs, every morning when i get some time to find myself on my own in an island of me, why do i have to have so much of my own self? i ask curiously... to those who won't answer. greedy boy. what else do i have to wear so he feels tempted to undress-me. an address. sailor sailing what other places he'd like to see, i wonder, if his peace of mind cannot be found again next to me? sailor sailing why did he left me trembling and why do i tremble still, tremble to his love and then to the lack of it at the holding of a cup of coffee...to the sound of soft rain, the sort of rain which rains only here, soft and slowly and forever and never pouring, what washing away occurs in such a pace of time? wise old young at heart borrowed mama she means how many women are crying right now at this very moment for their hearts are being broken..i connect to them in an energetic condition and thinking one is never on their own. what to do out of a sunday? meant for lovers meant for peace of mind, i risk lines to count moments and make a deal of one kind. a deal of leaving a deal for love-hurt. a deal for a holy boy whose moods you could never know. a deal for myself not to feel so trapped and pushed and trashed and wronged...i think of a little girl whose face i wont know till she is here, in my arms, little and fragile, i think of her name and i smile wondering if it is going to be now. and if it is to be now that is where i get mostly: afraid. it is only 2 for twelve on a midday of cloudy skies.

2011-05-15T11:25:00.003+02:00

my valentino manolo and my soraia cristina.

To be a rock and not to roll.

2011-05-15T11:17:00.001+02:00

it never raaaiiiins in califoooorniaa.... it pooourss...man it pours!

and in wien it never fucking pours. sometimes i think i just need a storm to quiet down this whole feeling

2011-05-13T22:26:00.004+02:00

Another day after work.

2011-05-13T22:26:00.002+02:00

On and off on and off

2011-05-12T20:37:00.000+02:00

2011-05-12T10:37:00.000+02:00

you are a builder baby, well here i am a stone... dontyapickandrefuse-me

2011-05-12T10:29:00.000+02:00

this train is bound to glory

2011-05-09T10:25:00.001+02:00

the black of the blackest ocean

2011-05-08T14:41:00.001+02:00

i tell u that i will always want you near, you say that "things change, my dear"..

2011-05-08T12:22:00.003+02:00

those demi-gods...

ich habe mir dann eine freude gemacht. ich dachte mir: des hob i net verdient. das, habe ich definitiv nicht gebraucht. dann habe ich eben mir eine freude gemacht. eine 50-euro-freude, gemacht, und mir, eine g-star-hose gekauft. dann wurde mir der tag gleich zu viel. dann wurde ich stärker. und unkontrolliert nahme ich mir eine flasche und ganz kontrolliert, tranke ich aus. was danach folgte, noch zwei und drei -flaschen. und unkontrolliert tanzte ich kontrolliert machte ich spass und gab mir, ab und zu, und dann öfters, was zum lachen. ganz natürlich ..von innen nach aussen und von aussen nach innen. dann rausch: ich lachte über das, all das, dass mir am vortag zum weinen brachte. und es tat mir leid. und somit, machte ich mir eine neue freude, eine herzuschenkenfreude, zum mitmachen. und zusammen gingen wir weg und alleine kam ich nachher zurück. angekommen bin ich aber erst um 4 in der früh, wo irre ich hin? aber das gefühl, dass ich mich irgendwohin irre, hatte ich nämlich nicht. dann wachte ich auf von einem nicht-schlaf. und als ob ich eine alte freundschaft, eine eingeschlafene-freundschaft, wieder zum wiederleben brachte..hörte ich ein bisschen auf tori..und so ging es vorbei, einer vormittag.

2011-05-08T12:17:00.000+02:00

sim, pra quem pensou certo. to tendo uma overdose de tori amos. amo quando ela fala comigo. beijo tori amos me liga